April 22, 2024
By Annie Wood
Recently an Idaho couple made the news regarding their ultrasound experience during the
wife’s second pregnancy. They were told that their baby girl might have Turner Syndrome, a
non-fatal condition that slightly shortens life expectancy down to mid 60’s to early 70’s.
Women with Turner Syndrome can lead relatively normal and healthy lives. However, the
potential diagnosis was devastating to the couple who then chose to abort their baby. They
drove across the border to neighboring Oregon where abortion is legal. The couple is now at
the center of a lawsuit that wants to take down Idaho’s pro-life law.
As a mother myself, this article was difficult to read. A baby died because it was different. A
baby died because parenting her would bring unique challenges. I’d like to know where is the
guarantee that parenting will be easy? Where is the guarantee that your child won’t get hit by a
car at age 3, suffer brain damage and use a wheelchair the rest of their life? Where is the
guarantee your child won’t be diagnosed with a life-threatening illness like leukemia when
they’re 14 and then pass away? Where is the guarantee your child won’t suffer from anxiety,
depression, or any variety of difficult mental health challenges that deeply affect their live and
your life as their parent? The fact is, there are no guarantees. You cannot predict the future.
Choosing to end your baby’s life because their condition will make raising them more difficult
that you were anticipating is a reflection on the parent’s expectations. Not a reflection on the
reality of raising a special needs or other abled child. Have the expectation that parenting is a
lifelong commitment to loving your child.
Every expectant parent hopes for an easy pregnancy and smooth delivery. Every parent hopes
their baby is growing and thriving as they develop in the womb. Every parent wants the
reassurance at medical appointments that everything is developing normally. However,
unfortunately, that is not always the case. Sometimes the ultrasound room is where dreams are
crushed. At that moment, there is a complete pivot from the pregnancy you thought you were
going to have, to the one you will actually be having. Even for the most stoic of us, that is
emotional news. Now you are faced with a choice of what the future looks like. For many
parents, there is an adjustment period after they learn their sweet baby will have a defect,
abnormality, or lifelong health challenge.
It is absolutely natural to take time to process this information. In fact, I will say it is a necessary step in the grieving journey. Because, make no mistake, this is grief. This is loss. You are losing the dream of the child you wanted. And we mourn our loss when we grieve. It is only after we have time to wrap our minds around this new information that we can then wrap our arms around each other and say with any level of certainty, we’re going to be ok. We can do this.
Little girls are born with Turner Syndrome every day. They go on to live productive lives and
contribute to society in meaningful ways. Babies everywhere are born with conditions,
ailments, challenges, and difficulties. Parents rally to the occasion and become amazing
advocates for their precious children.
Another couple made the news recently as well. They were convicted of allowing their autistic
daughter to “rot to death on their couch.” Words are incredibly insufficient to describe this
atrocity. The parents simply were unwilling and unable to accept that parenting their special
needs daughter was going to require more effort than they wanted to put into parenting.
The choice we have as parents is simple. We can show up for the job of being a parent. Or we can
wave the white flag and give up. Our children deserve parents who show up. This autistic
daughter deserved parents who loved her enough to care for her physically, mentally,
emotionally and to provide this care with love. The baby girl with Turner Syndrome deserved a
chance at life with parents who would show up to take good care of her.
Our children deserve parents who will rise to the task at hand and make it their life’s work to be there for their child. The parent to child relationship is one of the richest and most rewarding relationships on planet earth. Love the child that is being given to you no matter what. This is what it means to be a parent.