May 14, 2024
By Rebecca Heiner
Recently, I spent time sorting through old family photos with my 79-year-old mother. For the past year and a half, she has been battling pancreatic cancer. After aggressive treatment the doctors determined there was nothing more they could do, and she was put on hospice/end of life care just before the holidays. My siblings and I have been helping our parents get their affairs in order in preparation for her eventual passing. Time has given us opportunities to talk about the past and the future, which of course is bittersweet. Casually discussing the inevitable death of someone I deeply care about, while also attending to such trivial matters (like sorting through boxes of photographs) feels very surreal.
Through this process I have been reflecting on my life, and I feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude for my mom. I can’t help but be in awe of the many sacrifices she has made over the years to be a mother. I ask her if the sacrifice has been worth it, and even though there is a hint of weariness in her eyes, she immediately says yes. I get it. I’m a mother too, and it’s the hardest, yet greatest, thing I’ve ever done.
A Changing View of Motherhood
Motherhood is truly remarkable. For many generations, getting married and having a family was considered an important rite of passage into adulthood. The family unit was the center of society, and having children was a responsibility and privilege. However, in a culture that over time has come to value an extreme form of individualism (especially within the United States), opting for a child-free lifestyle is often portrayed as the more favorable option.
Some claim motherhood prevents personal fulfillment while overtaxing our environmental resources. Others say the impact of parenting on mental health isn’t worth the effort. This is quite different from the views of the past. While there are many reasons for this shift, I believe the value we place on motherhood as a society reflects what we, the people in society, feel is most important.
Perception of Motherhood
In preparation for this article, I asked my mom why she wanted to have children. Her answer was simple: “Getting married and having a family was considered the ultimate goal of life.” I can relate. This was my perception, 25 years ago, when I got married. After all, I grew up playing the popular board game “Life.” This is the game where you start with a little plastic car and move it around the gameboard “experiencing” important life events. The game followed a path: go to school, find a career, get married, and fill your little plastic car with children. I just always expected my life would follow that same path, and it was something I, and most everyone I knew at that time, wanted.
But perception has changed since 1999, the year I got married. One significant change has been the explosion of information through the internet and technology. Life has become, in many ways, easier. So much is literally at our fingertips, and without much effort. Most anything we could ever want, or need, can be delivered right to our doorsteps within a matter of hours or days. Our lives are saturated with endless possibilities of instant gratification, which is wonderful in a world where time is precious. However, the result is a society of people that tend to value what comes easy. And when it comes to parenting children, an endless amount of patience and hard work are requirements.
What is Important?
A global study and survey conducted in 2023 showed a list of ten things people in the U.S feel are the most important aspects of life. Included in the list were things such as having a happy relationship, living a respectable life, finding success, and having a good time. Although the list includes worthwhile pursuits, many are centered around concepts of self-fulfillment, rather than sacrifice, service, and an endless amount of patience. Comfort and ease have become of utmost importance in our society, and when this happens, we lose sight of the things that can ultimately offer us the most fulfillment possible.
The Importance of Mothers
Changing trends and societal norms do not alter this significant truth: Mothers are Important. We don’t have to look far to confirm this. We can see it in the success, as well as in the downfall, of society. A recent article in RW Magazine states “Mothers are the Lifeblood of Humanity.” A body can’t live without blood circulating through its veins. And humanity would not even exist without mothers circulating throughout our society. Not only do they bring life into the world, but they also inherently have a powerful influence over the lives of their children.
Think of it…a mother’s heartbeat is the first sound a baby hears. A mother’s voice, their first sense of security. A mother’s arms, their first experience with comfort and love. And a mother’s face is their first sense of familiarity. Newborn babies can even differentiate the scent of their own mother from other people in the room. The bond between mother and baby is unlike anything else in the world. Mothers are important because they offer us something no one else can. And motherhood is important because it offers our society something that nothing else can.
Motherhood and Ultimate Fulfillment
Yesterday I was able to visit my mom for Mother’s Day. I am beyond grateful she is here for another Mother’s Day, so I can tell her how much she means to me. It was difficult to find her a gift because this world has very little to offer someone whose body is breaking down. But I gave her a bouquet of purple tulips and a thank you card.
I’m not sure how I will live in a world without her, but she assures me she will never be too far away, even when I can’t see her. As I sat and looked at her from across the room, I saw the toll cancer has taken on her body. But her countenance shines bright. It’s the light that can only come from living a life of sacrifice, service, and patience…a life of motherhood, the ultimate fulfillment. And there is nothing more beautiful, or more important, than that.
