Nathalie Bowman
Letting go of the Rope of Good Intention and letting love in can be a challenge, but it can be done, and it will be freeing for both the parent and the child! The following are four ways to begin letting go of the rope, and letting love in your family and your relationships with your children.
1. Ask
Simply Ask your child what his/her needs are. Spend some time with her and find out what she really desires. Sometimes we forget to do the most simple things like asking what our child needs. Use the words “What do you need?” and the answers may surprise you.
2. Watch for signs of stress and provide a space where the stress can be managed and released.
Stress shows up in as many different ways as there are children. If you are aware, you will recognize misbehaviors, depression, tantrums, shutting down, hyperactivity, excess sleeping or not sleeping, etc, as signs of stress. Instead of focusing on correcting the behavior at first, find out why they are acting that way. There could be some deep feelings of not belonging, hopelessness, misunderstanding, not having personal value, feeling boxed in, or other feelings of low self-worth that are creating the negative behavior. Let go of your Rope of Good Intention and help them feel more secure in your love and their belonging by focusing less on your desires for them and more on providing a place where they feel safe and loved. If children feel from their parents that they always have to go, go, go, perform a certain way, or be something they are not in order to be loved, it creates stress within, and the child will not feel good enough. Watch for signs of stress and provide a place that the child feels welcomed and loved. This could be done by simply spending more time with them, reading together, playing games, going to the park, for a bike ride, or taking them out for dinner and letting them talk it out with you. Have the intention that the time you spend with your child will open up love and acceptance for both of you as well as releasing stress.
3. Recognize and honor your child’s genius.
Every person on this planet is a genius. We see top level people in music, acting, athletics, business, technology, academics, etc, and recognize them as a genius. Wanting this level of success for our children may not be a bad thing unless we tighten that Rope of Good Intention and make our children go down the “path to success” that we choose for them. Any great coach or mentor knows that it’s best to ask questions and give guidance so their client can tap into their own genius. It doesn’t work to force and pull genius out of a person. This is the same for children. First, recognize that your child has all they need to be a confident, competent adult who will do good in their world. Then love them for the genius that they are. Listen closely to their interests, get into their world, understand what excites them, drives them, and see the greatness in them. Give them opportunities to read, learn, and experience more of what they love. With your intention to support them for who they are, not wanting to “fix” them, you are recognizing their genius. Extend a guiding hand, ask questions, be interested in them.
4. Twice a year, take an inventory of your child’s needs.
Make this a time you look forward to. Go to your favorite place away from home where you will not be interrupted.. Find a place where you can relax and tune in to your inner knowledge. Take a notebook and pen. Write down your child’s name at the top of the page (if you have more than one child, do this for each of them). Ask yourself what do they need? Ask yourself what you want for them. As parents, we are instinctively guided to what our children need, and we have the duty to help them get there. (Next week we will explore how to do this without the Rope of Good Intention). Write all these thoughts and ideas down. As you are writing, you will come up with solutions and ideas to help them along their path for the next 6 months. This is a great time to connect with your higher power and intuition. Organize your thoughts and make a plan for yourself as to how you will guide and help your child for the next 6 months. Then go home and do it!
Step into your powerful, loving role as a parent, and love your children for who they are right now. They will grow into adults who know how to move through challenges successfully, confident in who they are because of the effort you made through the years to love, guide, and direct them-without the pull of the rope. Begin with one step from this list, and you will notice a difference!