by Keely Tanner
Everyone is different in their expressions of love. You might express your love and feel it in a different way than your significant other or others in your family. This is okay because everyone is different, even in expressing and feeling love for someone. What is going to be helpful to you in your relationships is to know and understand the different languages of love and how to apply them.
Based off of the five love languages that Gary D. Chapman came up with I have listed a few major points for each of them. Which is YOUR love language? And which best describes the language of those you love most?
1. Quality time– This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. This love language is where you spend time together doing meaningful things.
Actions include: running errands, taking trips, doing things together, going on walks, and sitting and talking at home.
Communication in quality time: quiet places with no interruptions, undivided attention, one-to-one conversations.
Things to avoid: too much time with friends or groups, isolation, gaps of time between visits.
2. Words of affirmation– This language uses words of encouragement and appreciation. They want to hear it from you that they are valued and cared for in the relationship.
Actions include: Spoken words, written cards or letters, including text messages and email.
Communication in Words of Affirmation: Encouraging words, complements and affirming spirits.
Things to avoid: Emotionally harsh words and undue criticism.
3. Physical touch– To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
Actions include: hugs, pats, touches, and sitting close.
Communication for Physical Touch: Pleasant facial expressions mostly non-verbal.
Things to avoid: physical abuse, corporal punishment, threats and neglect.
4. Gifts– For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
Actions include: giving gifts, giving time, remembering special occasions, and giving small tokens.
Communication: Private gift giving and pleasant facial expressions.
Things to avoid: materialism and forgetting special events.
5. Acts of service- For these people, actions speak louder than words. Even one small act of service is meaningful to the person receiving it.
Actions include: assisting with house chores, ongoing acts of helpfulness, and exchanging of chores.
Communication in service: make a check list, and say things like “what can I do for you?”, “I will stop and get….”, “I did……for you”
Things to avoid: forgetting chores, over commitment of tasks, and ignoring.
There may be times when this will be a stretch for you especially if you find out that you have different love languages and it’s not the normal way that you express your love. But as you come to understand the five love languages and apply them, your relationship will grow stronger and you will be able to have a better chance in having a successful relationship.