On the last day of January, some version of the headline: “Mark Zuckerberg Apologizes to Families” was blasted across media. What made the circumstances even more unique and unexpected, was the founder of Facebook and the social media empire Meta Platforms delivered his mea culpa during a U.S. Senate hearing about the impact social media has on children.
During the contentious hearing, Mark Zuckerberg was challenged by Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO): “Would you like now to apologize to the victims who have been harmed by your product?” Mr. Zuckerberg turned to the people in the Senate hearing room and did exactly that.
“I’m sorry for everything you have been through. No one should go through the things that your families have suffered, and this is why we invest so much and we are going to continue doing industry-wide efforts to make sure no one has to go through the things your families have had to suffer.”
You can decide whether Mark Zuckerberg’s apology was sincere or not and whether you believe the social media giants are actually working to protect our children. But in the final analysis, we cannot rely on the social media industry to keep our children safe; that job, of necessity, falls to parents. Yes, it’s up to us to protect our children and teach them how to safely navigate life online. Below is a short list of starting points in this process.
First, take an inventory of all your child’s technology devices. It’s tough to know what your child is doing online without knowing how many devices/screens they are using (that includes while at school). Ensure proper safety programs and apps are downloaded and working properly.
Second, make your expectations regarding technology very clear. Ensure that the lines of communication between you and your child are in place and expectations for their behavior and time management while using technology are crystal clear. Then be consistent with your expectations.
Lastly, know the potential harms associated with technology. We must be able to identify the challenge and form a battle plan. Educate yourself on the threats of sexploitation, on-line bullying, social contagion, the pushing of various drugs, and the marketing of ideologies that may differ from your family’s values.
In this week’s Issue Update, Annie Woods cleverly shares an approach to reconnecting with your family. It’s a great way to provide some protective layers from the harms of social media and other forms of on-line and “screen” activity.
Let’s reconnect with our families!
Wendy Wixom, President
United Families International
How Three F Words Can Connect Your Family
Annie Wood
“You just don’t understand,” said every teenager to every parent everywhere. It’s a rite of passage to look your parents in the eye and tell them they have no idea what they’re talking about. We have all done it. But what if I told you the teenager is actually right? What if I told you that parents today really and truly do not understand what a teenager’s life is like in 2024? Sure, parents today remember complaining about homework, gossiping about their crushes at sleepovers, and the thrill of getting a driver’s license. Those are quintessential parts of adolescence, then and now. What today’s parents don’t remember is cyber bullying, getting 24/7 social media notifications, going viral on TikTok or your boyfriend unfriending you on Snap. That’s because all of that didn’t exist in the 1980’s when we grew up. Today’s teens face a myriad of more complex and detrimental challenges than the teens of yesteryear. And they are suffering dire consequences because of it.
How bad is it?
The word experts are using is “crisis” to describe the current mental health situation in our country. I think that word packs a punch and is scary. While there certainly has been an upward trend for depression and other mental health challenges over the decades, one demographic of the population is especially experiencing a spike: young people, ages 16-25 years old. It might be tempting to blame this statistic of a 52% increase on the economy. It’s slogging along at a pace that is depressing. It might be tempting to blame politics. The dysfunctional frenzy that is our current congressional conundrum oozes anxiety, contention and confusion. But neither the economy or politics are the culprit.
What’s to blame?
The main culprit is the massive shift in the social scene. Teens today are less likely to hang out together in real life. In place of Friday nights with the gang at the local pizzeria, more and more teens are donning headphones and spending the evening by themselves with their gaming consoles. Gone are the days of teenage girls sprawled on their bedroom floors reading the latest issues of YM or Seventeen magazine, turning pages together to discuss hairstyles and heart throbs. Recent studies show digital media has reduced time spent on things like books, magazines and even TV. From the late 1970’s to 2016, the percentage of 12th graders in high school who read a book or magazine daily decreased 60%. TV viewing dropped by about an hour a day over that same time frame. The declines have been most notable since the mid-2000’s when high speed internet became more accessible.
So what?
A quick lesson on mental health: isolation breeds depression, anxiety, eating disorders and is a leading contributor of suicide. The less connected we are, the more susceptible we are to experiencing mental health challenges. Digital media is isolating our kids. They aren’t developing a sense of belonging or a sense of community in real life. For people ages 10-34, did you know that the second leading cause of death is suicide? That’s the so what. That’s the horrible reality for today’s teenagers. Because today’s teens are spending less time with friends in real life and more time on digital media, they are more isolated and therefore experiencing more mental health challenges. Isolation and mental health challenges lead to increased suicides. We need to care. It’s the red flag to end all red flags.
What can I do? I’m just one mom!
I’m just one mom too. I have five teenagers right now spanning 15-19. It’s a wild ride, let me tell you. Many of you can relate! Keeping track of all the things for all the people is pretty much a full-time gig. As I wade through sports practices, ACT prep, cell phone bills, dirty laundry, a pantry that always needs re-stocking and cars that always need gas, I have learned something. It’s called Triple F.
F words for the win!
When I tell the kids it’s a Triple F activity, I’m the most unpopular person on the planet. What is Triple F, you ask? Forced Family Fun. This is a time where we don’t have our electronic devices, and our family plays board games or watches movies or hikes. To be honest, hiking gets the most resistance. The teenagers groan, eyeroll, and must be cajoled along at the beginning of any Triple F activity. But they know Mom means business. They know why I care about it so much. About 15 minutes into the activity is when the magic happens. That’s when we have settled in and start cracking jokes, having fun. We remember we do really kinda like each other.
How the F do I Triple F?
Triple F reinforces social skills. Triple F strengthens relationships. Triple F provides a sense of belonging. Triple F reminds each of them that being together still matters. Fellow parents, I invite you to take back a night a week. Make it happen.
This is how you do it: Block it off on the calendar. Lock the front door and put away the electronic devices. Bust out Uno and Monopoly. Dust off Scrabble and make grandma’s caramel corn. Cue the cheesy holiday hit movie that everyone can quote verbatim. Rest assured; your teenagers will not thank you. Right now, there will be plenty of “You don’t understand,” and remember, they’re right. We don’t understand what it’s like to be a teen in 2024. But what they don’t understand is that we are experts in real life hanging out. That is our jam. And the three F words of Forced Family Fun might keep your teens more connected. More connection destroys isolation. Keep mental health crisis at arm’s length in your family. The F words can help.
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Annie Wood is a wife and mother residing in Henderson, Nevada with her family. Together, she and her husband have six awesome kids that keep them on their toes. She is an online student at BYUI and enjoys traveling with her family, reading self-help books, listening to podcasts and drinking way too much coke zero. Her favorite “forced family fun” activity is playing the card game Nertz and eating homemade chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven.
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References
Hedegaard, H., Curtin, S.C., Warner, M. (2018). Suicide mortality in the United States, 1999-2017. NCHS Data Brief, 330. www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db330-h.pdf
Twenge, J.M., Cooper, A.B., Joiner, T.E., Duffy, M.E., & Binau, S.G. (2019). Age, period, and cohort trends in mood disorder indicators and suicide related outcomes in a national representative dataset, 2005-2017. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(3), 185-199. dx.doi.org/10.1037/abn0000410
Twenge, J.M., Martin, G.N., & Spitzberg, B.H. (2019). Trends in U.S. Adolescents’ Media Use, 1976-2016: The Rise of Digital Media, the Decline of TV, and the (Near) Demise of Print. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 8(4), 329-345. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000203