Although the topic of today’s Issue Update might seem bleak, there really is a cause we can celebrate – that of couples who make a commitment to their marriage and determine, early on, they will make it work, rather than toss it aside and get a “new one.”  Those solid marriages abound, and that is what we all should be recognizing, honoring, and celebrating.  Turns out, stable marriage is really good for individuals, societies, and especially for children!

But it is good to learn about this unfortunate trend infecting society.  Read on, then share what you learn from Alexis’ article, whenever a chance arises.

 

In support of marriage and family,

Wendy Wixom, President

United Families International

Divorce: A Cause for Celebration?

By Alexis Goodman

In the list of tragic societal indicators, we must add the trend of celebrating divorce. It appears to be all the rage. With absolutely no stigmatizations or consequences, anyone can take part in this not only celebratory act, but almost “must-do-to-grow” phase. No guilt whatsoever necessary.

The Wall Street Journal posted, “Divorce Parties Are a New Hot Invite,” and the famous model and actress Emily Ratajkowski wisely told her young TikTok audience, “I find it chic to be divorced by the age of 30.”

So, here’s the question: What is stopping you from being chic? From inviting your friends to what could be the biggest party of the year? (Or month, depending on how many other divorce party invites are in circulation).

It’s no secret that monogamy, marriage, family, and really anything else successfully done in the past thousand years (and more) is no longer “trendy.” Marriage is viewed as archaic, barbaric, and not really that fantastic.  So why do so many continue to marry and over 70 percent of those first marriages remain intact?

Because, simply put, marriage works, and divorce doesn’t.

How Marriage Can Benefit You

When you try to look up “Benefits of Marriage” on google, the first responding links cover why marriage makes “financial sense” and “legal sense” and “tax sense.” But there are other benefits to marriage:

• Married couples are found to be healthier on average than individuals in other marital status groups.
• Women are found to be safer when they marry. If they are involved in cohabitating relationships, they will report three times the rate of physical aggression than they would in a married relationship.
• Married women are less likely to abort their children.
• With stronger married couples, there is less of a need for governmental programs such as foster care and welfare.
• Children on average have better emotional and physical health in a two-parent household.
• Married men earn around 22% more than men who are cohabitating or not in any relationship.

How Divorce Can Harm You

The Wall Street Journal’s article reported, “Pinterest searches for “divorce-party games” surged 80%, and searches for “divorce cakes” rose 50% in June 2022, from a year earlier. There were also jumps in searches for divorce-party decorating ideas (35%) and for “divorce gifts” (30%), according to Pinterest. Despite these party signals associated with divorce, the good times will end when the last slice of cake is cut, and the balloons are taken down after everyone goes home.

Divorce, without the cheerful streamers attached, brings about this list:

• Divorced men and women are more likely to die early, especially divorced men. The mortality rate for divorcees is at 1,363 per 100,000 and for married couple it’s 779 per 100,000. But divorced men versus divorced women? The men in this category are at 1,772 per 100,000 whereas divorced women are 1,095 per 100,000.
• Children with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as substance abuse, suicide, premarital sex, etc. A study performed in Sweden showed children raised by single parents were twice as likely as their counterparts to commit or attempt suicide.
• Families after divorce suffer financially, with women suffering a 30% decline in standard of living and men facing a 10% decline.
• Both sides in a marriage will suffer mentally when the marriage dissolves, but studies have shown women to suffer significantly more.
• Divorced men and women suffer mentally, physically, are more prone to substance abuse, and overall become more ill.
• Divorced women have an increased chance for a heart attack by 24%, and if they get divorced a second time, that goes up to 77%.

These short lists are just the tip of the iceberg, and more research will highlight other factors you should consider before engaging in your own divorce. Keep this in mind:

“One study found that those who were unhappy but stayed married were more likely to be happy five years later than those who divorced.”

A large group of family scholars got together to write a book, “Why Marriage Matters”, and if you would like to see a great summary of the book, with 30 reasons to stay—or get—married, click here.

Why the Divorce Mania is Problematic

One of the dangers in these “divorce parties” and endorsements of the dissolution of marriage is that it spreads a social contagion. Research has shown that if your friends are getting divorces, you are more likely to as well. When you get an invite to a divorce party, your chance of divorcing your partner go up by 75% according to Pew Research.

Mrs. Ratajkowski says things like this, “There is nothing better than being in your 30s, still being hot… figuring out what you want to do with your life… having tried that married fantasy and realizing that it’s maybe not all it’s cracked up to be and then you have your whole life still ahead of you.”

Although her statement may seem compelling to some women, the data speaks otherwise. There is a selfishness and a sadness embedded within. Ratajkowski is a world-class beauty with a huge bank account, but what is the reality for the woman who would then be a single mom, remain alone, and is statically more probable to become impoverished.

In contrast, here’s a quote from Fawn Weaver, CEO of two businesses, founder of a nonprofit and married for twenty years. (Seems her empowerment was not hampered by her marriage.)

“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.”

Now that’s a piece of advice we should all hold on to!

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Alexis Goodman was raised on a ranch in Dadeville, Missouri. She loves spending time with her husband, reading, hiking mountains, and learning new hobbies. She is currently a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho, where she is working to get a degree in Political Science with an emphasis on American Government.

See one of UFI’s most viewed publications: Divorce: 100 Reasons Not To