Loved by two

Loved by two

By Lizzy Sabin

When we’re young we’re encouraged to find our niche in life. Our personal form of self-expression to help us process hard moments and emotions, which everyone faces.

When my teenage mind could no longer handle the things I was experiencing I chose to write and I usually wrote about the trials my family was experiencing.

Families are this beautiful and tricky unit that have a defining and lasting impact on our lives.

I’d like to share a piece of mine with you.

 

It’s hard for me to be mad at you

You’re the man that I always looked up to

The one filled with love and morale

Where has this man gone now?

I see you, watch you crumble, we all watch the pieces of you fall

I tried picking them up, gluing back together what I could remember

But you shattered them again

I sat and cried and you just watched

I swear, I screamed your name, but something blocked your heart from hearing

You leave me in my despair

You’ve left us all to your deep gloom

It’s wading over you now

Soon you will be consumed

You wont be able to breathe

So we all screamed. Wake up! Swim away!

But instead you just sank

Incapable of hearing the reason in all of our minds

So lost that you forgot the impact you have

Now I see you floating around the bottom filled with your hate

Is that what took you first?

Made you incapable of hearing, loving, feeling?

Or was it your pride?

Did it fill your shoes and break your mind?

You left us before your body ever did

In the worst possible way

You lost your sanity

You lost what made you, you.

Even though she asked you to make things better

To work on the hurt that you felt

She begged you to stay

To pray

To help us pick you up

But you never did

Now I see you at the bottom of the water

You just couldn’t hold on

Once you dipped a toe the rest lunged.

Your body has sunk with the rest of you

I suppose it felt easier than to rise above the ripping tides

You chose the ‘simpler’ way out and left us to our own demise

I can’t bear to see the remains of you

It breaks me down

I used to wish to just feel sympathy instead of a bitter pain

Why couldn’t you change for us?

Why wasn’t your children’s love enough

I knew what you could be, what you could do.

You just let your potential go

You tried to set our family free

But now all we do is miss you

Your laugh

The way you made us smile

The way you spoke, how your brain worked

It’s all wasted

Gone.

Sunken down to the bottom, useless and lifeless

I’ll wait for the pieces to float back up to the top

Collect them

Keep them

Until we can forget and let go

Until the scent of you leaves, the memories fade and somehow we all move on

It all seems impossible now

To heal from a hurt that could have been prevented

To forgive a love that has since been neglected

We can’t hold on forever

You couldn’t hold on till the end

You let us go, so we have to let go too

Some part of me will always miss you

I try not to wonder about lives that could have been

Or make believe memories

But I will feel a space inside me that you were to fill

Because now it’s empty

And I can’t make it go away

I was made to be loved by two

So how do I stop missing you?

 

My parents divorced when I was 18 years old after several years of struggling without outside help. I always thought that was the only way things in our family could get better.

We had the belief that after the divorce things would be simpler and lighter.

But they were just hard in a different way. I always wonder if our family could have healed and remained together if we had the proper information and help.

If your marriage is suffering and you feel like the issues you are facing cannot be resolved think of your children and the family you have created. It will not always be easier to be divorced. It won’t heal what you’re currently going through.

But it will, always, affect your kids.

There are ways to get help.

I ask you to use the below links to read the facts and get the help you need before you walk away from the life you chose to lead.

 

Divorce Education

 

How divorce affects your kids

 

Get the help you need

 

IMG_0487Lizzy Sabin is from Annapolis, Maryland. She loves learning about the family and is recently and happily married. Lizzy hopes to be a marriage and family therapist one day.

 

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