By Rachel Allison
Parents never retire. Even though our children are adults they are never far from our thoughts, and even now we look for positive ways to influence them. My husband and I read the following article together and realized that we could improve our parenting skills. We discussed what we could do to better show our love and the importance of praising more. We discussed ways to help them recognize the importance of daily living so that goals are realized. We both felt the article worthy of sharing. We hope you like it as much as we did.
Learn to be a Better Father…Rules Of Fatherhood
By Vatche Bartekian
Rule #1: Use Reprimands
The word “discipline” comes from the Latin word “disciplina,” which means “teaching.” A father’s job is to teach his children the advantages of self-discipline, not behave like the next Punisher. You can discipline your children so that they will want to behave themselves.
In return, both you and your child will begin to build a stronger relationship based on mutual respect. The first step in starting this learning process is to tell yourself the following: “When I discipline my children, I want them to feel bad about their misbehavior but good about themselves.”
Many of us think that someone’s behavior and the way they see themselves are one and the same. However, they are two completely different things. If you start to attack a child’s behavior as though it were the same as his worth, then he will become defensive, and will naturally defend his behavior, even when he knows he’s wrong.
Therefore, you must begin to realize the simplest truth — if you love your children, you feel two things: real anger and real love, so you need to verbalize both. You must show your emotions honestly to them, in order for them to feel what you feel. Let them know that you are angry or annoyed with their behavior…Just like the famous Dr. Phil says on Oprah, “tell it like it is,” and this will help them learn.
Remember one important thing before giving the actual reprimand; your children are not punching bags. Do not go on and on about it. It doesn’t take long to let someone know how you feel, and it will take less than a minute for him to understand your emotions.
Show Your Child Love
Keep in mind that the first half of the reprimand described previously is the emotional side of it. You are letting your child know that you are upset at his behavior, not at him personally.
Now, you must take a deep breath and calm down. When you are ready to speak again, make sure to touch your child in a way that lets him know you are on his side. For the next 30 seconds, quietly tell your child the rest of the truth — that he is a good person and that you love him.
This part of the reprimand is the hardest thing a father will have to do because it requires a change in his own behavior. A good example of what to tell your child is, “Your behavior tonight was not good. But you are good! That’s why I’m so upset. You’re better than that kind of behavior, and I love you for the good person that you are.” Then it’s very important to give your child a hug to let him know that the reprimand is over. And remember, when it’s over, it’s over. Do not mention it again.
Finally, remember this phrase next time you’d like to implement Rule #1 of Fatherhood: “The more children like themselves, the more they like to behave themselves.” This simple truth never fails to work.
Rule #2: Use Praise
Now, it is one thing to take action when your children misbehave, but it’s even worse not to take any action when they do behave. When you do nothing to recognize your child’s good behavior, he will start feeling neglected and will begin to misbehave again, but this time he will do it to get your full attention.
After you start implementing Rule #1, you must also begin implementing Rule #2: praising good behavior. Start paying more attention to what your child is doing right, and praise him for it with a simple hug. Make your child feel like he’s a winner in your eyes, and this will lead to more self-confidence and self-esteem. In return, not only will he feel better about himself, but you will also feel closer and more loving towards him.
Rule #3: Use Goals
Now that we’ve looked at both the consequences of reprimands and praises for your child, the next step is to realize that your child is a human being who will eventually, one day, want to accomplish important things in his lifetime. Goal setting is the next step of being a good father.
You need to teach your child how to effectively set realistic goals. This can be as simple as asking what he’d like to do over the weekend with his friends, to what he’d like to be when he grows up. Make sure that your child writes his goals down all the time and takes a minute to read them over. Then, remind him if his current behavior matches his goals. If not, then he’ll have to adapt.
That’s it my friends. Yes, I’m done. Three steps are all you need to become a better father…Three steps and a new way of thinking. Becoming a better father is not a one-way street. You must begin to realize that you will also have to change in order to see positive results with your child and with your whole family as well.