Guys having Sex: So What?

Guys having Sex: So What?

Young GuysRebecca Mallory

Many girls ask the question, “What are the legal downsides to a guy having sex before marriage?”

While legality is certainly a concern, the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of premarital sex are as serious and can be even more damaging.  Girls definitely take the biggest consequential hit for having sex before marriage. If pregnancy ensues, she has life-changing choices to make, whereas a boy can just walk away. Or can he? Attempting to leave the moral and spiritual aspect out of the equation, let’s take a look at the reality of what frequently takes place in the aftermath of premarital sex.

Much of today’s culture tells us that having sex is OK. In fact, you’re considered weird or old-fashioned unless you’ve had sex with several partners before you get married. Reality TV and big screen movies paint most sexual encounters as exciting, normal, romantic, safe and without a care in the world. “Kicking the tires” lets you discover if you are sexually compatible, right?  Not true according to counselors, psychologists and professionals who treat both boys and girls for the unintended consequences of premarital sex. Remember your first heart-wrenching breakup with a boy or girl? Now add the emotional roller coaster of a sexual relationship and it’s almost like a mini divorce. Powerful and emotional feelings are dissolved and replaced with distrust and despondency that can last a lifetime.

Even though a contraceptive device may have been used to protect against pregnancy, these devices cannot protect the heart. Most people who engage in sex before marriage report a real sense of guilt and shame. Many professionals who promote birth control will never tell you about the heartbreak and guilt associated with premarital sex. Virginity can only be given away once.  When the heart is assaulted, defense mechanisms are automatically triggered that make trust a real issue in future relationships. Sex is one of the most powerful forces we humans experience. It can create or it can destroy.  It can bond a marriage relationship with deep devotion and true love, or it can leave lasting shameful images which ultimately destroys futures. “But what if we truly love each and plan on marrying later?” This makes little difference. Studies show that much of the excitement about illicit sex before marriage distorts the sweetness of the sexual relationship after marriage. Premarital sex can offer instant gratification, but each encounter robs a boy of the care and devoted tenderness that should have been saved for his future bride. But hey… if he doesn’t care enough about the girl he’s with, the more he does it, the less he’ll care, the more callused he’ll become. So what, right?

Let’s talk disease

The more partners, the more frequent the encounters, the more devastating the results. Physical consequences of premarital sex are numerous and frightening.  Over 50% of people suffering with AIDS today are between the ages of 15 and 24.The younger a person engages in sex, the more susceptible they are to STD’s. They are also more easily spread through multiple partners and unprotected sex. Unfortunately, the only real protection and guarantee against STD’s is abstinence.  Sexually transmitted diseases are easy to prevent, but difficult to treat. Most are hard to detect and have no negative side effects for long periods of time.  Many people naively assume that STD’s are spread only through sexual intercourse. Wrong. They are spread through anal and oral sex or as innocently as skin-on-skin contact where an area has been affected. So someone unaware that he/she has an STD may continue to have sex with several different partners before a devastating disease is discovered.

How many people have now been affected? And where did it originate? Hard to tell. And get this. Professionals suggest that before you engage in sex, you and your partner go to the local clinic and get tested first. Sounds romantic, huh? Wonder what the statistics and success of that fun suggestion reveal? Not so great, according to numerous websites which is why sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Why are STD’s still an issue in today’s world? Why haven’t they been wiped out with modern-day antibiotics, etc? According to Dr. Alan Christianson, because the organisms mutate and become an entirely new strain. “It’s a battle we cannot win,” he laments. He talks about a frightening “Super bug” for which doctors have no cure. This bug literally kills half the people it infects and there’s nothing to effectively treat it.

  “This might be a lot worse than AIDS in the short run because the bacteria is more aggressive and will affect more  people quickly,” said Alan Christianson, a doctor of naturopathic medicine. Even though nearly 30 million people have died from AIDS related causes worldwide, Christianson believes the effect of the gonorrhea bacteria is more direct. “Getting gonorrhea from this strain might put someone into septic shock and death in a matter of days,” Christianson said. “This is very dangerous.”

Sexually transmitted diseases are not only embarrassing and difficult to treat, but may lead to sterility or worse. Unintended pregnancies can lead to abortion, illegitimate children, and/or serious legal consequences. One young man, after a wild night of sex with a girl whose name he could barely recall, was informed two months later by her attorney that she was indeed pregnant and that he would be legally bound to financially support their child for the next 18 years. He must report his address, and income status to the court each month so that they can assess and collect child support if he somehow “forgets” about his obligations to that fun little one night stand. “Deadbeat dads” are hunted down and often prosecuted with felony charges.

Studies show that premarital sex affects social, academic and psychological development.  Family and friend relationships suffer as well as grades in school. Regardless of times have changed thinking, teens are generally too immature to handle the emotions and other consequences of the explosive sex drive that then tends to abnormally  dominate their lives and consumes all other normal emotions that they should be experiencing from sports, hanging out with friends, school activities, etc.

Let’s just be honest, guys. You’re being targeted by powerful advertisers because of crazy hormones and vulnerable changes in your bodies. Sex is big business and those purveyors don’t give a hoot about you, your future, or who you hurt… even yourself. They care about one thing; the almighty dollar. And the more they can squeeze from you, the better. They will tell you that it’s all good, that morals are a thing of the past; that remaining a virgin until marriage is weird or naive. Those are lies, plain and simple.

Yes, sex is a powerful force for good but must be harnessed and saved for marriage. I guarantee, as will any other parent, counselor or psychologist who truly cares about your well- being, that your joy will be full and your sexual relationship will be sweet and satisfying as it strengthens mutual devotion to your spouse if you practice self-restraint now and stay away from the lies and deceit of those who would tell you otherwise.

To see some of the implications of young women involved in premarital sex, go here.

3 Comments
  • jessie elizabeth
    Posted at 06:01h, 18 May Reply

    Thank you – well-written and right on – I’m copying this and giving to my teen grandkids!!!

  • ebassett@telus.net
    Posted at 13:43h, 20 May Reply

    Not enough is written on the effects of pre-marriage sex on the male gender. I remember years ago when Dr Phil was on Oprah. The show was on teen girls giving oral sex to teen boys in school bathrooms etc. Totally degrading. Dr Phil was very good in his response to the girl. However, he had no consequences or council for the young men. He really lost the opportunity to mention how they were instilling a submitted and degrading thought pattern for the opposite sex. They would be the losers going into any kind of marriage, having no idea what the sex act is all about. How delightful for the females in their lives!!! I think not.

  • irwin daguru
    Posted at 18:20h, 29 May Reply

    I work with teenagers and warn them all of the time that premarital sexual encounters will likely be disappointing and lead to regret. My wife and I waited until marriage and we had many disappointing and frustrating attempts at sex until we figured it out. I know from my own anecdotal research our situation was not unique. No need to rush into this.

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